End of 29th June...

Today I don't know I should be happy or not?? Didn't really practise today. What should I do?? I feel so bad. Went out with Ken today. Bought Transformer's tickets for friday. Sighs!! >.< I really have to work hard. Shouldn't be so relax. T.T 
Gil was so emo today. Cause her friend just passed away (commit suicide). I don't know how to console her. Halfway, when we talked about it, I started crying. Life is fragile. Should have appreciate it more. Should be thankful to God for giving us life. Should be grateful to our parents for nurturing us so well. Shouldn't have wasted our life just like that. But I'm amazed that her friend has the courage to commit suicide. For me, I would rather face it, even though I know there'll be a lot of tears. I tried killing myself too, previously. Not successful. After all that happens, I realised that if I kill myself, the problem still won't be solve. I'm hurting myself and in the same time, I'm hurting my parents too. 
Bought Taylor Swift's karaoke dvd too. XD happy. Downloaded all her songs today. Love her so much. ^^
Worked really hard in the night. Left 8 more chapters to go for my historical. And my notes are done. Finally, but still got a long way to go. Don't know whether I can complete it before exam. Scare!! 

End of 27th June...

I had a great chat with Gil in the night. She knew what happen to me. And I'm happy that she's there for me. She's my real sister. Told her everything. What had happen to me in detail. She told me she knew it from the start. I can't believe it. I didn't see it all these while. They are trying to control me. They just want me to do whatever they say. Sighs. I'm a puppet to them. >.<
Kyee really totally ignored my sms. What a friend?? Guessed I know the answer already. She'll never be my friend anymore. God!! I really can't imagine it. How can this world full of those kind of people?? Selfish, arrogant, commanding and lots more. I don't know how to describe her. The most important is, SHE IS FAKE!! Acted like she can handle everything. She just afraid of losing. That's all. I really wonder, if I post all her photos with J in facebook, what will happen?? But I'll never do it. I never betray a friend. 
And Sue. I feel like slapping her already. Her wall post. Everything she wrote, purposely for me to see. Excuse me?? Don't think you are smart. There's a lot of people out there smarter than you?? What is she trying to say?? I hate sarcastic people. I wonder who's the sarcastic one?? Another FAKE one. She thinks she's the only one in this world?? Even though she's the only child, but please respect. Not sure whether she understands the word RESPECT?? 
Sighs. I shouldn't be angry of anyone. I'm the one who should be blame. Cause I'm too naive to believe them. I just realised that he's the closest to me all these while. But luckily, we are back to normal. I called him. Had a chat. Happy!! I just wanna shout out loud. I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!! He'll always be my friend. My best best friend!! ^^

My Fairy Land...

I sent Kyee a sms. Telling her that I'm sorry and hope that we still can be friends. Telling her that she has been a great sister to me. But she didn't reply me. Guessed I'll be alone again. I only left Gil as my sister. Kyee is just the same as the others. Realistic. I bet she thinks that I might be crazy. Something is wrong with me. Sighs. I wonder can I really survive out there alone?? I really need a change?? I don't wanna change who am I right now. I know I can't stay in my shell forever . If I change, I'll never be me again. Should I come out from my kingdom?? Maybe I should just keep away from them. I'll survive even though I'm the only one. Besides, I still have Gil. I know she'll be there for me. Hope so?? Pray hard!! 

End of 23rd June...

I had a great time with May. We went out for lunch together. Totally a different May. When I see her in school, she's so quiet. But when we were out, she's so much different. We fished for handsome guys. ^^ We were so lucky yesterday. Saw 2 handsome's cause May was wearing a clover pendant. And another hilarious story was, we were acting as if we weren't Malaysians. We came from Singapore?? Not bad May!! 
I had my dinner with seniors too. My dear Zhixin, May, Cheryl, Wanxim and John. We had a great chat too. Cheryl was asking about me and him. I just told them roughly. But overall, I told them that we are ok now. Friends!! =) Seniors!! They are actually, so cute. Especially my dear Zhixin, Kaito all the time. >.<
Chat with him also. Purposely make him search for me. =P But atleast he doesn't dare to raise his voice at me. Or maybe he's still not feeling well. I don't know. Even though I want to know but I won't ask anymore. First time praising me. I'm so happy, cause of my MP's work. I really done my best and I'm proud of myself. 
I cried again. T.T This time is not because of him. It's because of Kyee and Sue. Sighs. I know Kyee is fed up with me. But I did nothing this time. I start to chat with him doesn't mean I'll fall for him again. I've already fell. How can she expect me to let go so fast? I still care for him and that's the truth. But definitely I won't do anything stupid anymore. And about ignoring him?? How can I be so cruel?? Not letting him know about replacement?? Impossible. No matter how u hate that person, I don't think that's a right way to treat them. 
Sue?? I really don't know her. Every time we have to care for her feelings. How about the opposite direction?? Does she ever care for others?? If we don't let her know something, she'll be upset about it. How about me?? Actually I am upset too whenever they did that to me. But I just acted nothing cause I don't wanna make things complicated. I really wanted to help them during classes, but they think that I'm showing off?? I was really pissed off in keyboard harmony. Should record Kyee's and her expressions. 
I really love everyone in school. I treat them equally. But they think that I'm a drama queen?? I love him and will always do. I'll protect him. Sighs. I know they hate him, but they still act and play the game. I can't. That's too dramatic for me. 

LaSt GoOdBy3...

Everything turned out to be so fast,
However, it doesn't seem to last,
What has passed, just let it pass,
I should be happy, that's a must.


His eyes became so cold,
Turned his back on me and just go,
There is a lot of things that I don't know,
I'm so confused, deep inside the hole.


Reality means cruelty's,
Loving you means misery,
Can I blame you for all those tears?
All my words, can you hear?


I will not shed a single tear anymore,
From the moment you walked out of this door,
This will be my last goodbye,
Finally the bond between us was untied.

Reunion...

Had a reunion with my 2 best buddies in this whole wide world. Wenzhi & Winnie. I love the 2 of them so much. I really had a great time with them shopping. ^^ Bought my concert shoe too. Thanks to the both of them, I found an amazing shoe. And I love it so much. My mum said its very high. She wondered can I walk with it? Hahax. =P 
I saw his status yesterday. He was in Ipoh. Sighs. Why should I care? Does he really has to put it on facebook? What is he trying to show? Ok. Am I thinking a lot again? His business, I don't think I should care anymore. I had been worried whether he has passed up his program notes and assignment or not? But I don't dare to ask him. Later he'll think that I'm trying to get back to him. Maybe the feeling hasn't totally fade yet. I still care for him and his works. As a friend. I wanted to be his guardian angel. To guard his from far above. However, I can't show it out. This will only make him hate me even more. 
I really have buried my feelings deep down inside me. It'll never go away and it'll never show. I will care for him but it won't be like usual. I'll keep it inside me and do things behind him. I don't want him to know that I still care for him.
Called Summer yesterday night. I really love chatting with him through the phone. Even though I know he'll said cruel things to me. I still feel happy about it. Cause he's the only guy that is honest with me. Sometimes, truth is cruel. He'll never say sweet things in front of me. I guessed, that's how he show his sincerity. He mentioned H's name a several times. I'm not sure whether he's doing that on purpose. To make sure that I, 100% let go? He's weird. But he's nice and honest. 

Me & Wenzhi

Me & Winnie

The concert shoe

End of 18th June...

Back to Ipoh again. Doing nothing but practising and playing feevo. ^^ When I was practising halfway, my bro came back from KL. Asked me out for X-Men. We went to jusco to buy the tickets but unfortunately the tickets are sold out. Wasted my time. Came home, watched Keroro? Felt so stupid.
Later on, went to jusco again. This time with my mum. Met Wenzhi there too. My greatest buddy in my whole life. Had been my friend since the both of us was 7. =P I miss our childhood. Obviously we had a great chat. So long didn't see each other. She updated me and I updated her. Sighs. >.< Why can't life just be that simple? No worries, no lies. 
Why am I still stuck in my own fairy tales? Why can't I just grow up and face the reality? Sometimes I really feel that I'm too naive. Too easily to fall or trust people. Some say, it's a good thing cause I'll always be true to everyone but some say, it's very stupid cause I don't have a shield to protect myself. 
All I want is to be myself. 

Heart Broken...

Today I saw him using Xin Wei's car. Driving another person's car. Sighs. I felt being used for the first time. I don't know. I cried in Kyee's house. Couldn't control my feelings. I told Xin Wei about it. We had a great conversation also. He doesn't need me anymore. Found another victim. He doesn't want to sit my car also. That's fine with me. I should be happy too. Cause finally I can find a reason to forget him. My heart was totally broken. Shattered everywhere. Couldn't pick up all those pieces anymore. Couldn't fix them back. I don't want to know him anymore. He's a stranger to me already. 

Couldn't Fit In...

Sighs. I'm so stressed up. I couldn't fit into their conversations. I felt so left out. I'm so not like Gil. My thoughts and her thoughts. I'm glad that he still talk to me. I'm glad that we don't have to be enemy. But every time I saw him and Gil, I just felt left out. Whatever they talk, I just couldn't get it. Not that I'm jealous. It's just that there's still a hurt feeling inside me. I really have to really act nothing has actually happen between us. 
Ok. I admit. Maybe I really am jealous. Cause I don't have the common topic with him?? He had said that to me before. Like, if I want to talk to him, I have to go through Gil. That is why I have been avoiding the both of them lately. It really stabbed deeply into my heart. 
I have to worry about my pieces also. My exams. I worry about my future and my dream more than they do. They can have so much fun. Without worries, without care. I felt like I'm in the totally different world. 
I just couldn't fit in!!

End of 7th June...

Sighs. I don't know how is my feeling right now? I feel so confused. I'm not sure whether I still got feeling for him or not? I don't want this kind of feeling. It's so miserable. My heart ached everytime I have to act nothing in front of him. How can he expect me to let go so fast, so little time. I can't even calm myself down. I laughed to hide my tears. I can't cry. I don't want to cry because of him anymore. 
All my friends around me have their another half. I felt so lonely even though they are with me all the time. My cousin, same age as me going to wed next year. Sometimes I really felt disappointed with myself. Am I too picky? I always tell myself that God save the best for last. But I wonder how long will it take for me to find the best? 
Bout Reeve, I wonder whether his status in facebook is true or not? In a relationship? I really want to know. But I don't dare to ask him. He's like the sun to me right now. Chatting with him really makes me forget about H. I don't want to know the truth. Truth hurts!! Truth is cruel, just like reality. Where's my dream? I can't find my own happy ending.  

End of 4th June...

Sighs. The weather is so so so hot. Shopping with mum again. ^o^ Happy!!
My Mcd collection of cups finally completed. Hurray!! Don't have to eat Mcd again. =P
My new friend, Reeve, has been chatting with him since the first day we met. Until now still sms-ing. He is really a nice guy. We got so much to chat about and we are not bored. : ) He has been teaching me a lot of stuff too. Like computer, downloading songs, ear phones and many more. Actually I really need to thank H. Without him, I don't think I'll be able to meet such nice friends.
I won't be angry at him anymore. Cause it'll just waste my time doing so. I feel so much more free and happy right now. Finally, I found myself back. No point struggling with him and make things worst. Think ahead and I can see so much more.
I AM FREE!!

Neways photos...

Andrea, Reeve & Bronson

My new friend : Reeve

My dear sis

Serious!!!

Borrowed Bronson??

Finally the photos are ready. 

End of 2nd June...

Class ended early again (130pm). Went to 1U. Had lunch with Kyee, Caryn, Christy and Gil at Johnny's Steamboat. Sighs. I miss Sue. She's missing in action again. I hope she'll get better soon. She's missing a lot of fun. I wish she could join us like last time. 

After that, went to Neway to sing karaoke. With Bronson and he brought a friend with him, Reeve. The vocal for Blaze. Met new friend again. Having so much fun. Just the 4 of us. Gil, me, Bronson and Reeve. ^o^ Sing until now my voice got a bit hoarse. Sighs. 

I forget to fetch Roselyn again. I'm so sad. I feel so bad. I'm so bad!! I left her alone again at school. Sighs. Gets too excited and forget a lot of things. I hope she'll forgive me. 

In the night, Neven came to find me. Brought me out, yum cha with his gf. =P Really very tired. 

After this incident, I really gained a lot. I realised that I have a lot of good friends around me. They are so nice to me. That's why I'm thinking a lot. Because of a guy, lose myself to the shadow. Is it worth it?? No. I don't think so. 

---

I'm not missing him anymore. I had a chat with him this morning. Telling him that I'll continue to fetch him. Cause this is something that I had promised him earlier. I never break my promise. Not even once. That's why I let go. Not looking back. I'll move on. And be very very happy. 

P/S: I'll upload the karaoke photos once I'm back in Ipoh. Wait with patience.....^^

End of 1st June...

Had a great time yesterday too. Went to Christy's house overnight. First time sleep so late too. ^^ We went to Connaught pasar malam. Second time going there. Christy and Caryn was so afraid that I might get lost. Hahax.  We bought hair bands to represent our friendship. 
Chat a lot with Caryn's bf too. Wow. He's really a nice guy. I'm so happy that Caryn found a nice man for herself. Luckily didn't be like me. So stupid. Once, our feelings was cheated by him. How dare him??
Chat until 2am in the morning. So tired. Christy's house so nice. Everything in pink colour. I love it so much. Christy showed me a lot of things that can be bought through online. That's so cool. I'm addicted in some way. =P
I called him yesterday but Roselyn spoke to him. Asking whether he wants to follow my car?? Got his dignity. Didn't follow my car. Good for me. Cause I'm starting to forgive him. Should stop myself from doing so.