Coward...casanova???

After a few days not chatting with him, finally I get some peace of mind. I didn't take my time to think about where he went or who he went out with. This feeling is great. Maybe I've found myself back. I'm glad. Thanks to him, to be so cruel to me. If not, I'll still be searching for a reason to forgive him. I really do love him, and I know the greatest love is to let go. If he's not mine, then he's not meant for me. I can't force him to stay by my side. And I realized one thing, he choose to avoid when there's a problem occurs. I'm not making things complicated, I just wanna make things right. I won't choose to avoid when there is a misunderstanding or anything. I think I begun to know what kind of person he is. A coward. That's my impression of him now. Sighs. I really did fall for him, and he's the one hurt me so bad, even to be compared with Mevin and Neo. Atleast both of them told me that we won't have a chance. Him?? He's just holding me, leaving me hanging by the threads. Atleast previously, Mevin and Neo cared on how I feel. Him?? Not even a single minute he'll think about me. About my feelings. It's time to pull everything back. Atleast it's never to late to find back my pride and dignity. What a world?? I've learned some lessons again. Straight, deep into my heart. Now I really see the face of a true casanova.

Smile

Crying is not the only solution,
Tears are not the right medicine,
Moving on to a new revolution,
Giving myself a whole new satisfaction.


               Life goes on,
               With or without you,
               It will only make me strong,
               Cause of tired waiting in the queue.


I will erase you from my mind,
Never allow myself to bind,
To the love that isn't mine,
And soon, it will all be fine.


               Thank you for reappearing in my life,
               Because of you, my days shined,
               However, time flies,
               Soon you will erase me from your mind.


Smile will always crave upon my face,
With all the blesses and grace,
Love is like a maze,
Something that I could not catch up with the pace. 



         

After A Long Time...

I'm writing again. After such a long time. I don't really know myself lately. I'm like another person right now. My heart is breaking into thousand pieces and I don't really know what to do. 


     Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I went out dinner with TKM. He asked me and treat me for Hokkaido, japanese restaurant. Gosh. Am I giving him hope?? Sighs. Actually I just want JM to see it. To realize my existence. What have I done?? I've done so many things to tell him how I felt but he just chose to ignore. I even wrote a song for him. But he didn't even take the time to listen to it. Just gave me a stupid excuse, don't know how to appreciate. My heart died on that particular moment. I'm still giving myself excuses that he'll notice me someday. I'm just lying to myself. 


          Today, I got my result!! Happy and proud!! I can't believe it. I did well. It's beyond my expectation. I'm so excited and full of strength. Actually I wanted to cry cause of how he treated me but after I knew about my result, I just couldn't cry. What's the point of it?? Come on, who the hell he thinks he is?? My future is much more important than anything. Nothing can come in between. I just hope that I can complete my course fast and leave this place. Away from him, away from all the problems. Atleast this is something that is worth for. My hard work will be recognized. Him?? Something that can never be called mine. 


               I miss school. I miss my dear bro, N. He's always the best. He's really there when I needed him. Atleast he won't lie to me or hurt me. Atleast I'm somebody to him. Atleast he appreciate on what I do for him, which seldom happens. Gosh. I'm so bad to him. >"<

Stubborn??

Is it just my stubbornness? For not letting go?? It's so torturing. I just had my peacefulness for a week and yet everything comes back again. Damn it. I really thought of letting go. But whenever I see his name in my MSN, I just couldn't stop myself from messaging him. What's wrong with me? Can't I just have some peacefulness? It really hurt whenever he does that to me. Replied with just 1 word? Guess he's tired after the flight. I should be thinking like that. Am I lying to myself? Am I making up excuses for him? I just gotta say that I'm unimportant to him. 

 

     What I see from mum and dad really scares me. Kinda losing faith in love. I really don't wanna be in this game anymore. It's so insecure. Love can never be eternity. It's just a fake promise. My heart ache. It does. That's why I don't like to log into facebook. Because I know there will be a lot truth in it. Is it time to wake up now? Fairy tales, do they really exist? 

          I think I've made my decision. I'll just sneak back into the shadows. To where I belong. Cause I never fit in this world. I'm afraid of loneliness and yet, loneliness stays with me. Maybe I should just get used to it and be alone for the rest of my life. 

               Gil told me that she would be around for me. But I doubt that. Does she really care about what's happening around me? To me, she just care for herself. But that's a good thing too. Why do you care so much for the people around you? Yet, they are the ones that hurt you so much. I can never blame Gil, I just hate myself for being so weak. Guess it's time to stand strong.