Being Strong??

He text me on Tuesday. Should I be happy?? At least I came across his mind? I really do miss him a lot. Can I say it out?? I got so much to tell him but will he care? My happenings, does it matter to him?? Is he afraid that one day I'll be missing from his life?? I don't know. I don't dare to find the answer. 

Actually there's something very silly that I want to share with him today. I didn't want to interrupt his work, so I told him chat tonight. But later in the night , something terrible happened. I broke down. My vocal recital's videos. I was so disappointed and angry. That idiot. He ruined everything. I really never encountered people this stupid before. Never admit his own mistake and yet he blamed on others? Just be an adult. Take up the responsibility. Admit it. And he thinks that it's funny to act this way? It's ridiculous. That recital was so important to me. It's my first and the last in Malaysia. At least for now. It meant so much to me. Something that I want my parents to be proud of. 

I messaged him and asked him to call me. He did. I was crying and he was rushing to an appointment. But he did called back after the appointment. Second time, having a long chat on the phone with him after what had happened previously. I really was so upset but in the same time, I felt being loved. Is it just me again? He said he has let go of his past, but he still mentioned about it. At least he dare to face it now rather than avoiding it. Every time he mentioned about her, my heart ached. Who am I? But I should be grateful, cause he's willing to listen to me when I needed someone. Though he is not the first to be there. Arthur and Jauhuei always have been the first. He used to be the first previously. I should be moving on... shouldn't trap myself in the memories. There's still one promise that he tried to keep. Updating me. He told me about his work.  

He said he is my best friend, but he will never do anything for me. Maybe because I'm just as equal as everyone else. Meanwhile, those that I just met for a month or few weeks, gave me farewell presents, said will come over to Ipoh to find me, accompany me to do what I want before I leave. He always asked me what I want him to do with me before I leave?? But when I said it out, there are always an excuse. I know work comes first. But I just want a day from him. Maybe I'm too selfish?? Greedy? Asking too much??  

I learned to use Skype. Jauhuei taught me. And he was the first to try skyping with me. How I wish in the screen was him. I miss his voice and face. I got to hear him on the phone. I really miss him a lot. How can I move on from him? I tried to be strong. I want to be strong. But I'm just a friend. Something that I can never change.