Finally~~~

          I can't believe this is the second last day I'm in Malaysia. Yesterday I had a great time. Photo shoot in Cameron. The place that I wanted to go so much with him. Finally I get to go, but the person with me wasn't him. It's heart breaking. Instead of him, someone that I only met for once, chat with him in Whatsapp, fulfill my dream, my desire , my wish of going there. So, all the promises doesn't matter anymore. 

          I really wanna thank this new friend, Ziv and my cousin for making this dream come true. Lavender garden. My favorite place. I can't wait till I really go to France and get to see the real lavender. How I wish it was him beside me, being with me in the photo shoot. Ended up it was another person that giving me this memory. What's the point of asking and promising me in the first place?? 

  

          There is no reason for missing someone. He knows that he is special to me and yet he wanna avoid it. Keeping me as a back up plan?? So, I'm a consolation prize to him?? After we had this stupid argument, after he had said all those things that broke my heart into thousand pieces, after he hurt me like I'm a nobody, and he acted like nothing happen?? Am I really that worthless to him?? Messaged me the next day asking what's my weekend's plan?? He knows better what I want. How many times does he want me to ask?? Beg him like I'm a beggar out on the street. 
           
          Ziv and Angie stopped me from replying him. It hurts though. All the emotions was captured in the photos. My misery. I missed him so much. Forcing myself to smile because I wanna move on. Am I being too forceful?? I knew him too well, but I only see the past, how good he treated me previously, and not seeing the present, how cruel he is to me now. "Am I not being supportive enough to you??", he asked me. Supportive?? I just want memories... But now I have to force all the memories out, delete everything I had with him. Sad case is, he never even bother to give me something to remember him. Because he knew me well. I will never forget him. How special he is to me. 

          I don't dare to think. Will he be there on Tuesday?? Will he send me off?? Will he surprise me?? Ziv told me, I shouldn't be messaging him anymore if I want to start a new life. Reply only when I think I'm completely ready to move on and take him only as friend. If I really wanna message him, I only can do it on the night before I take off, which is tomorrow. No matter how much I miss him, and let him know, he'll just read through it as if it's nothing. Maybe he'll say again, "Why miss me?? Unfair to your other friends". It's just ridiculous. All my friends send me their regards, spend time with me, love me and give me their blessings, presents and most of all, memories.