Sunday 30 October 2011

What Am I Thinking??

Wasn't free to pen down lately. Kinda busy with assignment. And I really need some rest. What's wrong with me?? I thought I promised myself to let go and yet I'm still feeling so bad about it. I hate it every time I check my facebook. I really don't wanna look at it. But every time I flip through it, I definitely find something that will hurt me so bad. Damn it. What the hell is this?? Am I really in hell now?? 


     I get it why yesterday he didn't seem like replying me. Cause he was out with her again. Who the hell he think I am? A maid? A slave? Why every time has to be this way? Am I really nothing to anyone? Am I the tiniest character in a movie? A monster in a game? Was meant to be hurt or killed?? I am really pissed right now. I was praying for calmness, peacefulness and wisdom the other day in the temple. I got it for 2 days. But right now, here I go again. 


          I really wanna scream out loud. FUCK YOU!!! YOU ARE TORTURING ME!!! 


               Gil told me that he was lazy to reply because guys are like that. I took it. Didn't wanna blame him also. But what I saw today in facebook really kills me. Sighs. Why do I have this kind of spare time to even think about him? He's nothing... nothing at all. Why do I have this kind of feeling?? 


Will I ever cross in his mind?? I never should have believe in miracles. This is tearing me apart. 

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