I can't fulfilled the promise that I promised him. I promised I'll enjoy every single second here but I can't. I'm back on my own again. It's just too much drama. I can't take it. I can't bare with it. In front of you said everything have to say out. Don't keep it inside. But actually she's the one hiding all. She's the two face here. What's her problem?? Just that one sentence that I said on our first week here and she hated me until now, until she does so much to isolate me?? Who's the fake one?? I can't say it out. Andy said he's frustrated. I got tired too.
I wanted to tell him. Another promise I couldn't keep. Happy or sad, gotta tell him. I'm started to scare now. Will he go through with me?? He'll be so busy for this few days. Stef's wedding. I don't wanna burden him, as usual. So I keep it to myself. Do well my part?? How?? Avoiding everyone?? Wherever I go, I hear things. Bout this bout that. It's never ending. Anxiety again?? Gotta prepare for performance?? Who can I talk too?? He said I gotta get use to his none reply attitude. If not, I'll suffer. But I am already near to suffer. Am I losing him already?? Am I being lonely?? What is lonely?? I am alone all these times.
It's all so wrong. Is it wrong being here?? Is it wrong being alone?? Why everyone needs to wear masks to face their everyday?? I am wearing mask right now too. I miss the cheerful, happy, blurred, simple-minded me. I want all these tears to stop.
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