End of 28th Aug...

Went to Mines with Gil and Summer. Had a great time?? I hope so. Anyway, I was trying real hard to enjoy myself. And ended up, I didn't had a fight with Summer. I guessed that's a good thing?? Not like what Gil said, he pay for everything?? Nope. But I don't think I'll allow him to do so. Besides, I'm not Gil. He won't treat me the way he treat Gil. Guessed that's our difference. Sighs. 
     
     We watched Final Destination 5. What do you expect?? People dieing obviously. ^^ Finally it's the end of it too. The part with the eye laser really freaks me out. I wanted to do that operation. I screamed so loud in the cinema. Wanted to cry as well. Otherwise, it's ok to me. I was laughing too when those victims died one by one. =.="


          After the movie, I wanted to walk around. ALONE!! But Gil just won't allow me to do so. Sighs. They are torturing me la. I'm like an invisible woman there. They were chatting while I follow?? OMG!! Another scene just like Kyee did to me. I'm just trying my best not to burst out cause I know if I fit into their conversation, I'll start to quarrel with Summer again. The best I can do is avoid, fake not to hear, or be alone. I just know that Summer doesn't want me to be there. I don't know. My instinct?? 


               Finally, he did sent me back to Mahkota Cheras. And in the end, I'm trying to have a conversation with him too. I did well?? Anyway, everything has over already. Gil's business!! I can't believe it. She's hunger for alcohol?? OMG!! She can't differentiate all those alcohol. Hehe!! I'm good.


 I had a great time learning pool too. Ok. I admit I have a lot of questions. But that's me. I just love questions. Anything wrong with that?? Fine. ~~

27th August...

Woke up so early today. 545am?? The earliest in my life. Cant count those where I need to catch a plane. ^^


     Working!! Yea. Got RM 90 for it. Gonna spend it tomorrow in Mines. Went to Grand Dorsett Hotel. When we reached, it looks familiar. It is where I have my convocation. Opps. I told Jie it wasn't. Can't let her know the truth, or else she'll laugh at me again. 


          Had a busy day. Tired too. Stand there at the door the whole time. No food. Very messy. Not systematic. A lot of people competing. All those small kids. They are so cute. Wore like princesses and compete. They are amazing. Sue made it. Sue won first prize. She's good at performing. I wonder should I try it next year?? I wanna try also, if I really wanna choose performance. Sighs!!


               Summer came to find Gil. Went out for dinner with him. Actually I don't really like it. I don't know. I don't feel like talking to him anymore. He irritates me. Don't even want to look at him. Feel like slapping him already. I don't know.I went because of Gil asked me to. Or I don't even have a transport to go back. I might be over sensitive again. It seems like Summer and Gil got something going on. They didn't seem normal friends to me. But who the hell care?? I just wanna know what's going on in Gil's life. She's my sis. 


Going out with him again tomorrow. Final Destination5. Gil and I have been waited for this day. I just have to control my temper. Can't lose it. I shouldn't make Gil feel bad. Crossed fingers!!

KTM!!

Friday I had a great time. It was Kenneth's birthday. We celebrated with him. Baby Alvan is so cute. He doesn't wanna sleep even though he's very sleepy already. So cute. We are having so much fun. Went to Fahrenheit 88 for japanese buffet. But I don't think it's nice. Nothing much to eat. After that,we walked around Pavilion. OMG!! So long didn't walk around there. I was so happy too. 


     Later in the evening, I took KTM to Gil's house. First time taking back public transport after I had been driving to KL. It scared me. So many people. So rude and rough. My head was spinning even after I had reached Kajang. >< But I did make it. I didn't lost somewhere. Proud!!


          Stayed at her house. And we really had a great chat. Hahax. Don't need to sleep. Usually the me, 11pm already started to fall asleep. Watched Saw4. Stupid movie. Giving me such a headache. Don't even understand the meaning of it. 

    

Excited...

Hurray!! I'm going back to kl already. Tomorrow evening. I can't wait to meet Gil. I miss her so much. Got a lot to tell her, and I hope I got a lot from her too. I'm so busy body. Hahax. ^^


     I really think I miss out a lot. I'm so into my own world. I don't know what's going on around me, people around me, how are they doing? Sighs. I'm so outer space. ><


          Work, work, work!! I really desperately need money. My allowance is not enough. How can that happen to me?? Sobs. I wanna buy a dress but I'm thinking for so long. Cause I really need to save up some money. Taiwan trip!! Nov!! I wanna shop till I drop. So I really have to be thrifty. XD


Gil told me she's angry with H? I wonder why. Cause Gil seldom get angry with someone. She's so open minded. H really must have pissed her off. Anyway, Gil told me it's nothing. I think I shouldn't ask anymore. Ask less, think less, troubles lesser. Ain't that great?? 

Princess??

I got my health report just this morning. Pretty good. Doing well. Happy!! ^^


     But my mum starts to nag at me again. After I've told her about the result, she'll start going with her theory. Sighs. I just skipped one meal yesterday. That doesn't mean a thing right?? I went out with Jaimie and Angie. Ate too full. That's all. After that, maybe it didn't digest well, my stomache not feeling well again. After all, I'm just human. I should go out and enjoy right??

          I know my health isn't that good all the times. I know I'm weak. I'm living like a princess. I know everyone wanted this kind of life. No worries, everything plan for you. They might think this is the ideal life. I never wanted to live like this. Every step that I take, it's been monitored or supervised. I can never have any fun in my life. 


               Guessed my mum is being too over-protected. Is it a good thing or the opposite?? Sometimes I feel happy because there is always someone there for you. To care and to guide you. But what if it's too protected?? I feel that I'm like a bird in a cage. Yes, I don't have to worry of being starve, or the weather turn bad, or my nest being ruin. But I've sacrificed my freedom for that. 


Not that I don't like this kind of life. But not that protected. Sometimes I just felt that I'm so useless. There's nothing I can do independently. I'm such a baby. All I know is cry. And cry. I really wanna have a life. A life that belongs to me. 

Hopes??

I really thought JM was giving me hope again. In love. I really gave up when everything turned out so badly. I gave up love. I gave up once when Mevin turned me down. I found myself falling again when I meet H. Ended up, not what I always wanted. And in the second thought, H wasn't the one for me. I just misunderstand my own feelings. I treat H as a good friend and a good brother. It just them, who mislead me. 
When JM chat with me again, he gave me hope in love. He's the first person who has respect me for who I really am. When Summer treated me that way, I really thought that all guys are the worst thing in this world. I never wanted to believe or love any of them. 
I told myself that every time all of this happen, it's either not the right time or the right person. And I am so true about it. When I wanted to believe in love again, I wanted to know JM more, that's when the truth appeared. JM told me that he loves a girl. Waited for her just like me. I have been waiting all these while. He told me, I should let go and that will make me feel much better. I really felt happiness. Cause someone cares for me. When I'm sad, he pampered me. I really felt blessed at that moment. I never thought of a guy treating me that way. Especially after the incident with Summer. 
I really hated guys!! They can make you laugh and in the same time, make you feel miserable. Sighs. Luckily he told me so early. So that I'm not so into him. I still can pick myself up. 
Anyway, I will always keep JM as my close friend. He's really a nice guy. And atleast there is someone that will pamper me when I'm down. He told me, how he wish that they are official. Deep inside my heart, how I wish I can make you mine. 
Guessed, it's time to let go again. Should love myself more. And now I really love this book, 'If you could see me now' by Cecilia Ahern. 

Dilemma...

I really don't know how to choose. Between performance and management. I am stuck right now. Very stuck. If I choose performance, there will be only 3 of us doing performance. Sue, Neo and me. Others all chose management. I'm not sure whether they choose it themselves or they are not allow to take. Like Roselyn. Pity her. I'm so in the middle now. I don't know whether I should continue a class with all of them or just go on my own. Because if I choose performance, I don't need to do one extra assignment. Which that was my first intention of choosing performance. But now, I know I like management more. Both also I like. I like performing, but obviously that's vocal. I really don't know what should I do. I don't wanna burden myself. Sighs. Still torn in between performance and management. I just can't choose. >.<

Disrespect...

Ok. I think I had enough of Summer. This time, I am really pissed off. I know he wouldn't care much. I was trying viber with JM yesterday night. I saw Summer's name. So I tried calling him. He didn't pick. So I thought he was busy. Later in the night, before I went to bed, Summer called back. I was surprised. However, the most surprising is, he doesn't know who he was calling. He was asking who am I? I told him, and it refreshed his mind obviously. But he called me the wrong name. Fine!! I asked him, why you called if you don't know my number. He told me that he lost all his contacts previously. I said I know. I even sms him when I saw his post in fb. And he told me, very rude, that he didn't save my number up. Don't think there's a need for it. Excuse me?? I take him as a friend of mine. But he say those things in front of me. I can't take it anymore. I just can't. What does he meant by that?? Guessed I won't tolerate anymore. Not a single step. And I think I have the right to hate him now!! 

The End...

     Guessed that's the end of us. Me and Zhi. I sent her a sms yesterday. Telling her that I wanna catch up with her and stuff like that. Also, I wanna apologize for what had happened in the past. She didn't replied me. I think that's all for it. I won't make another move anymore. That's the end of our friendship. I already knew she's like that. I really wanna scream right now. If not for JM, I don't think I'll even bother to sms her. I thought all these years friendship, will never break. Guessed I'm wrong again. How can I ever think that she's that generous? I had known her for like 15 years plus. She only uses people to get herself noticed. But when ask for forgiveness, she'll never bother about that person. That's her. I should have known it all these while. Yet I'm still trying because JM asked me to. I'm not blaming JM for doing all these. I just can't believe it that she rather let go our friendship of so many years. Like what Gil said, past friends. Friendship and love to me are the same. It should be eternal. It should be loyal. Once I've marked them as my friends, I'll never let them go. Even though they did something to hurt me. I'll find a way to forgive them. Because they are precious to me in anyway. It's so difficult to find someone that's true to you. To be there for you, to care for you. I tried to get her back, but she's the one letting me go. So I think that's the end of us. She's out of my life, will be removing her name in my buddy's list. 

Moving On...

All I want is something that can last,
Not last for that particular moment,
What we had been going through, had passed,
Living all the memories in my mind.

          I wonder what would I be,
          Without you being there for me,
          Will I smile much more lively?
          Will I shine just the way I wanted to be?

Seeing those happy couples walking down the aisle,
Side by side, clutching his arm,
I wonder when and what will I find,
For myself to be called mine.

          I love you and will always do, 
          To you, I will always be true,
          Appreciate on what you have done,
          For once, you had been my sun.

Right now, I should be moving on,
There is no point for me to mourn,
Over you because you have already gone,
My dream is all that keeps me going on.

Daring??

     I can't believe I message her. Pey Zhi. After 1 whole year, I messaged her again. I really can't believe I did it. I think I really should thank Juan Mun. He's the one behind all this. He's the one supported me. He's the one reminded me that we had been really good friends previously. I don't know what will happen now. Zhi just replied one of my sms only. After that, she didn't reply anymore. Actually I should be happy cause atleast Zhi replied one of my messages. I should be glad. Sighs. After all these while, I really thought that me and Zhi won't be friends anymore. ^^


     Juan Mun, Juan Mun. Really have to thank him so much. If not because of him, I don't think I would take the first step to sms Zhi. Actually I really miss her a lot. I thought of sms her a few times, but I just don't know how. When I saw her graduation photo in Juan Mun's tagged photos, I really cried. I kept JM the whole night until so late, to talk. Even when I go to bed, I cried in my sleep also. Really miss her a lot. 


     I feel so bad recently. I'm not sure whether I'm lonely or what. But I just don't wanna lose a good friend of mine. After so many years, since the age of 7, we had been friends. Everytime when I flip through my photo albums, I saw our photos when we were age 7. All those memories, still fresh with me. Sighs. I just wanna let her know, I don't wanna lose her as a friend. I'll try my best to make things better. I hope!!

Heart broken yet again!!

I saw Chuei Yin's wedding pictures with him. I should have guessed that the both of them will get married. But just not this soon. My heart was broken yet once again. I felt that my life is so empty. No hopes, no directions. What's the point of having a great dream? I always wanted to be a simple girl. Find the love of her life and just settle down. Is it that difficult to accomplish it?? The only two person that I really fall in love with has cruelly turned me down. This really breaks my heart so badly. I began to think that there'll be no Mr Right for me all this while. I felt disappointment too. Now in my life, there's only me and alone I'll be. I can't hope for anything better than my own future. I don't wanna let love to ruin my life. I just don't wanna be that simple girl only more. I'm so in pain right now. I thought I've let him go back in those years. But when I saw his wedding pictures, not that I'm jealous of what he and CY goin through, is just that I realized some part of my life has always been missing. Now I really found myself empty. Am I desperate?? 

Old Friends??

Saturday I had a great chat with everyone. Reeve especially!! He has been always the one I go for. ^^ Because others just wont chat long with me. So sad. And Reeve is the only one teaching me a lot of things without fooling me. But sometimes he still will "zat" me. @_@


     Surprisingly is, Wu Wai Hong messaged me in MSN. That's so surprising. Haven't chat with him since 7 years ago? That's what he claimed. >.<


Tan Juan Mun also messaged me in MSN too. OMG!! One day, 2 old friends. I never thought that they'll remember me anyhow. ^^ Juan Mun is still so funny and irritating. But I like chatting with him. Never changed, not even a single bit. 


     Ok. The one i care and love so much. Has became emo again. Really don't know what's wrong with him. Wanted to ask but don't dare. Trying my best not to show him that I care. Oh God, can you show me what can I do??