Finally he was back in action. Getting much better but I don't think I'm doing so good. When I don't see him, I was worrying about this and that. When he's in front of me, I feel that my life was so miserable. I'm just not important to him. He can talk stuff that's so bad about me. I looked like the dog?? It hurts so deep. I mind everything that he said about me. I cared so much. But I'm just that to him. Nothing but a tool!! Nothing but a transport!! Why can't I just wake up from my sweet little dream. My stupid dream that we can have a perfect ending which is so impossible.
Morning sent me a sms telling me what time to pick him up?? Am I a taxi driver to him?? I didn't even collect a single penny from him. I just want him to know that I'll sacrifice anything just for him. But he won't even care. He's just using me. But I believe whatever he said. I believe when he said that he didn't use me. I know it's a lie. But I'm stupid enough to think that I can trust him.
I've already done my part well. Telling things that he has missed during his absence. Handing the score to Keyi, that's his score and his performance. Nothing to do with me. The minute he saw me, handed those score, and ask me to hand it to Keyi?? Am I his maid?? Am I his assistant?? What am I?? I questioned myself a lot of times already. What am I to him??
Dinner. Left the 3 of us (Kyee,Gil & me). Asked his friend to come over and pick him up?? Don't he think that he's a bit rude?? Why not he just tell me that he won't be joining us for dinner?? I won't mind it. Besides, it's not the first time I get lost. It's not the first time I lost in direction.
I really hate myself so much!! Had a great scream with Kyee yesterday, in my car. We listened to Richard. Locked the car door and screamed it out.
I don't know whether what I'm doing now is right or wrong?? But things are getting worst between us. The situation really became very awkward. I don't know how to face him. I don't know when he's real?? I don't know when he's hiding something from me. I don't know whether he still want me to be his friend??
I just want to love him in silence. Is it too much I'm asking?? But recently whatever he does, really pissed me off. However, the more I hate him, the more I love him.
I really hate myself so much!! Had a great scream with Kyee yesterday, in my car. We listened to Richard. Locked the car door and screamed it out.
I don't know whether what I'm doing now is right or wrong?? But things are getting worst between us. The situation really became very awkward. I don't know how to face him. I don't know when he's real?? I don't know when he's hiding something from me. I don't know whether he still want me to be his friend??
I just want to love him in silence. Is it too much I'm asking?? But recently whatever he does, really pissed me off. However, the more I hate him, the more I love him.
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