End of 29th May...

I was having a great time chatting with my brother yesterday on the highway. He was actually consulting me. He was thinking on both sides. My side and H's side. He told me to forgive him cause it'll only make me feel better. Why need to waste my time hating a person. Forgive and forget. That's what Sharon told me also. However, I don't think he'll forgive me anymore. He won't listen to me anymore. 
When I was back in kl alone, I think a lot again. Sighs. Why can't my brain just stop working for a few seconds. Cried so badly again. Vomited everything I have eaten for dinner. Now my throat hurts. Didn't get enough sleep also. I think I've slept for about 4 hours?? I don't know what to think of except him. I didn't mean for things to turn out so badly. I just want to express myself. That's all. I couldn't tell him all those words. I can't keep inside me either. 
I'm going crazy sooner or later. I feel like dropping out from school. I feel like killing myself. Cause I don't know how to face him. I'm so in pain. 
But I'm telling myself not to do it. Cause I've promised Gil that I'll find myself back. I got to pick myself up. But I'm not sure whether I got enough strength to do it??
Things will never be the same anymore. Both our hearts had been stabbed. It's just mine bleeds more. He'll heal faster than I will be.